my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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