turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
