Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
