Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
