We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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