Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
