I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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