I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
