so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
