btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
two words...techno handjob
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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