gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
