The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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