The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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