Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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