I wish I only lived at night.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My vagina just recognized that song.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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