I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
