apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
