Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
