That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
