Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
