I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
