I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
