Non-Jews are for practice
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
