A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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