My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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