Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My breasts were aching with rage.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
