I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
