What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
