I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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