Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
