Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just want to make out with him forever
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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