We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
