So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
