Betty ford says i'm here all night
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
