Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
