Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
