dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
