I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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