wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
