I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
