Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
