There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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