I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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