So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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