The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
