Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
