how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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