I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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