Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
