also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
