are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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