Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
