"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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