She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
