from now on my penis is your penis
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
