I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
