at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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